Someone on Facebook recently asked people to tell the most important thing they learned from their father. Here’s the one I came up with and it was really 2 things I learned.
From an early age, I was told by my father that none of my possessions was as important as my life and so if there were ever a case where I needed to save my life by giving up one or some of my possessions, it was worth it.
I ended up applying that lesson early.
I lived in a small town of 1,200 people in rural Manitoba. One day, when I was about 7, I was walking home with a friend from school. To do so, we had to cross a railroad track. This particular day, for some reason, we were crossing in the middle of the train yard and not where there was a street crossing.
We were involved in our conversation and my friend was slightly ahead of me. I happened to look up and see a box car coming toward me at about 10 mph and it was about 15 feet from me. I was on the track with my bicycle. I didn’t even hesitate; I dropped the bike on the track and ran ahead to where my friend was. The whole back of the bicycle was crushed and I retrieved it and carried it the few remaining blocks home.
When I got home, I told my father what had happened. He congratulated me for using my brain.
Here’s what he didn’t do: offer to pay to get me a new bike. Our family didn’t have a lot of slack in the budget but my sense was that even if we had been substantially wealthier, he wouldn’t have paid. He wanted me to learn responsibility.
I went to a local bike repair place and sold the good front wheel to the guy for $7.50. That would go toward a new bike that was priced at about $40. So I started saving for a new bike.
A few months later, my father came back from the town fair where he had run into the local guy who had been on top of the box car moving it to a different part of the rail yard. The buy had felt bad about what had happened and offered my dad $10 toward a new bike. My dad told me that he had turned him down because it wasn’t the guy’s fault.
When my dad told me this, I was furious and I argued with him. But he made the point that I, not the guy, was responsible for what had happened. I saw his point and became less furious. By the next day, I wasn’t furious at all.
How I got a new bike within a few months is an interesting story in itself, but not closely related to the lessons I learned.
I learned about the value of my life and about the importance of taking responsibility.
READER COMMENTS
Garrett
Aug 23 2020 at 7:04pm
“You’re not a pharaoh, so you can’t take it with you”
Jon Murphy
Aug 23 2020 at 7:16pm
Your dad sounds like a real stand-up guy
David Henderson
Aug 26 2020 at 11:24am
In certain important ways, yes.
In other ways, no.
It’s complicated.
Phil H
Aug 23 2020 at 8:57pm
That’s a great story. One of the things I’ve really struggled with as a father is how to teach children to be frugal in a society that basically isn’t. In particular, I live in China where very cheap tat is available everywhere; and we’re well-off by local standards. So if they wanted ten cheap plastic toys a day, they really could have them.
I think, in the end, we’ve done alright by teaching them notions of wastefulness, and that we should avoid waste. As with DH, my boys don’t get replacements for toys they lose or break themselves. But given that it’s clearly not a problem of affordability for our household, I’ve never been sure about how to explain this lesson.
David Henderson
Aug 26 2020 at 11:25am
Thanks.
Alexandre Padilla
Aug 24 2020 at 12:40pm
I learned from my dad that no one is irreplaceable in the sense that no one is waiting for me. This is a very valuable in academia. Too many academics think that departments are lucky to have them and therefore they should be entitled to X, Y, and Z.
Similarly I have learned from my dad that doing your job (or getting good grades) is what you are supposed to do so, again, you should not expect additional reward, praises, or whatever things you think you are entitled to just because you are actually doing your job.
David Henderson
Aug 26 2020 at 11:25am
Great lessons, Alex.
Joy Schwabach
Aug 24 2020 at 9:47pm
I love this. Your dad was so wise. Since my parents were divorced early, I only remember one lesson: When buying a newspaper, it would be easy to take more than one from the vending machine, but not honest. My mom taught us never to expect an allowance but to do chores for the love of our home, unless they were very special chores that we might do to earn money for a gift for her.
David Henderson
Aug 26 2020 at 11:30am
Thanks, Joy.
In our household, we got a very small allowance. I was the youngest of 3, and so mine was the smallest. In the 1950s, I got a dime per week. In the early 1960s, it rose to 25 cents. In the mid-1960s, it rose to a dollar.
There was never any stated explicit connection between doing “chores” and the allowance, but it was just expected. I remember from about 8 or 9 years of age having a calendar in the kitchen listing who was expected to wash, or dry, dishes each particular evening. My brother, the middle child, wasn’t expected to, because his job was to take out the trash.
When I was about 12, though, and trying to make extra money (even then, 25 cents didn’t go far), my mother sometimes hired me to do some things around the house. IIRC, vacuuming the downstairs earned me 25 cents, defrosting the fridge earned me 35 cents, and cleaning the oven with Easy Off earned me 25 cents.
Stephen Teney
Aug 24 2020 at 10:14pm
Accountability and responsibility are valuable lessons to learn for children. You were fortunate that your dad instilled these in you at an early age.
Unfortunately, I don’t see these lessons taught as frequently as they need to be.
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